If you can afford me- Katy Perry
I have finally found a balance of patience, compromise, feelings, and faith. YES ALL IN ONE.
what a package deal...
So my main focus on my writings is about where my faith lies..what pathways im taking in my life. So far i havent been enjoying my social life at school. Not because i have nothing to do or that i dont have friends to keep me occupied..its just..i dont want to be apart of that lifestyle anymore. I really want to be used in great ways by God. I have come to great realizations that i cannot use my past life as a way to justify who i am today. I cant compromise who i am with other people so that they may be satisfied with the person i am. It sounds so extreme right?!...well i just learned that truly loving someone and finding the best interest for them is to maybe just let them go. Have them come to you. Make it known that you will always be there...but it is all in Gods great timing that those friends come to you and seek you for help. You can only hope that they will find there way and that you pray the wont get to beaten up on the way. I would never want to wish my past life upon anyone. Not that it was the most horrible thing ever and that my situation is the worst one in the world, for i know that there are FAR worse things that have happened to others and mine seems like just a miniscule part of it...but i just know..that living a hard life isnt fun..i mean who would ever say that it is..but i guess you just have to go through those burdens in order to truly find yourself. For awhile when i came back to school i let my guard down with my friends and got tempted in many ways. Then after doing that i put a guard up around the people who truly cared about who i am and the person im becoming. I need to get my priorities straight...i really do...
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE....
the wonderful blessings that are in my life...
so in love...
:)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Sing to the lord- Hillsong Live
Good morning to you all~~
I'm just about to leave for my first class on this chilly monday. Anthropology and womens health. Yuck i know but its kinda interesting..well the parts that i can keep myself to pay attention. I feel as though i have more ADD in college then i did in High School, mainly because we were spoon fed everything..but here its do or die. UGH and lets see im not dying..but i dont think im doing my best to contain the information given to me in the lectures.
This past weekend it rained like woah because of Hurricane Ike or whatever. Basically ruined my weekend. Although i enjoy the rain...especially during the night because i think the water dropping onto the cement is soothing..but yeah i had an emotional break down. I think that i want to do a lot of things right now and so many other things are getting in the way of them. I have a pretty large collage of pictures straight ahead of me..with friends and the friends i see as family. Where have they all gone..what are they all doing? I guess when youre in the moment with somebody you just feel so happy to be there friend..that you just forget about the future and how you wont be connected anymore. More than that...the friends you HAVE to give up because its the best thing for you. Im struggling right now. More than ever. I'm feeling a little lonely and a little distressed. Im trying to build bridges not walls...but everything is half constructed or abandoned. I want to love god more than ever. I know i have been grown up in favor and grace...but where is all of that now. I think i depended on everything based on emotions. The emotions of love..the emotions of the high of spirits...the emotions of anger and lust. I just want one thing. I want God. I'm hungry for God...but i get lazy..and i let that hunger slip away and i dont feed myself..when i am so capable of doing so. Something needs to happen..i need to do something...
what is it...
I'm just about to leave for my first class on this chilly monday. Anthropology and womens health. Yuck i know but its kinda interesting..well the parts that i can keep myself to pay attention. I feel as though i have more ADD in college then i did in High School, mainly because we were spoon fed everything..but here its do or die. UGH and lets see im not dying..but i dont think im doing my best to contain the information given to me in the lectures.
This past weekend it rained like woah because of Hurricane Ike or whatever. Basically ruined my weekend. Although i enjoy the rain...especially during the night because i think the water dropping onto the cement is soothing..but yeah i had an emotional break down. I think that i want to do a lot of things right now and so many other things are getting in the way of them. I have a pretty large collage of pictures straight ahead of me..with friends and the friends i see as family. Where have they all gone..what are they all doing? I guess when youre in the moment with somebody you just feel so happy to be there friend..that you just forget about the future and how you wont be connected anymore. More than that...the friends you HAVE to give up because its the best thing for you. Im struggling right now. More than ever. I'm feeling a little lonely and a little distressed. Im trying to build bridges not walls...but everything is half constructed or abandoned. I want to love god more than ever. I know i have been grown up in favor and grace...but where is all of that now. I think i depended on everything based on emotions. The emotions of love..the emotions of the high of spirits...the emotions of anger and lust. I just want one thing. I want God. I'm hungry for God...but i get lazy..and i let that hunger slip away and i dont feed myself..when i am so capable of doing so. Something needs to happen..i need to do something...
what is it...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley
HELLO!
Today i had a day off because friday=NO CLASSES :)
YAY! so basically all i did today was sleep..eat...finish army wives..and read some of my homework for next week. So far state has been really good. I havent met many people on my floor except these two girls named Sunni and Nikki and i love them. Theyre super nice and i guess knocking on there door is something to do when im really bored. haha ne wayyyys
Tonight i am going to KCF for the second time..not really sure if i'm going to like it yet..hopefully i will..haha
SCF has been really good. The bible studies are really nice and being with the same type of people with a common faith is really nice in itself also. So i have been going out for most of the weekends here and let me tell you...going to parties and being sober is definitely different. Not a bad different though. I like it so much better now to be completely lucid and in control of my thoughts. Its good but at the same time really hard. I guess i never knew how stupid i could look being drunk. I saw many of my friends acting crazy and sloppy..and i guess that made me really think...why do people do it? Except for the whole social aspect of it..drinking doesnt suffice anybody. people gain weight haha get hung over..and do stupid things. But yet..its something that college kids feed off of..I use to do it..but really why? ....just a thought
SOOOO i've been thinking about some goals for this coming year and here they are:
1. Study and get a 4.0 (we'll see if that happens haha)
2. Be consistent with my quiet times and faith
3. Build a stronger relationship with old friends
4. Really start thinking about my future and what i want to do as a career
5. Pray more
6. Stop butting heads with my parents
7. Become a better person overall
yepp so thats all for the update so far..im sure there is a lot more to say but just not enough time
:)
Today i had a day off because friday=NO CLASSES :)
YAY! so basically all i did today was sleep..eat...finish army wives..and read some of my homework for next week. So far state has been really good. I havent met many people on my floor except these two girls named Sunni and Nikki and i love them. Theyre super nice and i guess knocking on there door is something to do when im really bored. haha ne wayyyys
Tonight i am going to KCF for the second time..not really sure if i'm going to like it yet..hopefully i will..haha
SCF has been really good. The bible studies are really nice and being with the same type of people with a common faith is really nice in itself also. So i have been going out for most of the weekends here and let me tell you...going to parties and being sober is definitely different. Not a bad different though. I like it so much better now to be completely lucid and in control of my thoughts. Its good but at the same time really hard. I guess i never knew how stupid i could look being drunk. I saw many of my friends acting crazy and sloppy..and i guess that made me really think...why do people do it? Except for the whole social aspect of it..drinking doesnt suffice anybody. people gain weight haha get hung over..and do stupid things. But yet..its something that college kids feed off of..I use to do it..but really why? ....just a thought
SOOOO i've been thinking about some goals for this coming year and here they are:
1. Study and get a 4.0 (we'll see if that happens haha)
2. Be consistent with my quiet times and faith
3. Build a stronger relationship with old friends
4. Really start thinking about my future and what i want to do as a career
5. Pray more
6. Stop butting heads with my parents
7. Become a better person overall
yepp so thats all for the update so far..im sure there is a lot more to say but just not enough time
:)
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