Changes...

So far, the year has been going pretty pleasant. Thanksgiving break..was...amazing...i wish i could capture it and keep it forever. Or atleast make time stand still...but i cant...only good things can come in the future..i really need to stop thinking about the bad. So last night i started to read Job. The tests he went through...the faith that was never faltered..(well for now atleast...i only got to ch 7)...but it just made me think. God took away all he had. He took his family, his live stock, his everything..but he was still on his knees. If one thing i know is, God likes to test us. He likes to know how far our limits are and how much we're willing to with stand for him. I'm crazy for my faith. I wish i was more intimate with it...im still skimming the top of my faith..but when i take the plunge, i know ill be entranced with love. it's hard to explain to my friends about what i feel about my faith. Some people will think im crazy for believing in what i do...but its truth. To me its life. To me its air. To me its important...
I'm honestly scared for my future.
Not just the money making aspects...but my family. Where will my parents be when i get married and have children...will they still be around? Will they be working as hard as they do later on..when will they get a break...i think that my life is so chaotic and so...messed up sometimes...but i think about my parents...and wonder about how the see me...i mean
do they see that their child is going through tough times...
I really dont think it phases them.
I thought i was pretty numb, but how numb could they be?...more than me i bet...
My dad listens..but he never hears me. he never understands...but i think he doesnt want to believe that his kid could be sad. That he might have a factor into how my life truly is. I hate this pity party...i want to be happy. the best thing i can do for my family...is keep my spirits high, set aside my anger and have patience. I'm striving for patience. Ill wait. For relationships, family, and whatever is to come..just because i know it will be worth it in the end. When i have free time i want to praise him. I want to sing. I want to do so many things..but something...a little something is holding me back....i have to figure out what it is...and really wrestle with God for my faith.



its going to be a white christmas..i can feel it