I'm writing to all of you just to tell you. I am not emo. HAHA im so sorry that i come off that way. yes i have the "issues" in my life, and i probably shouldnt voice them out to the world wide web but it is what it is. There is no use in hiding my life. I want to live as a testimony to other people, so they know that...regular christians, strong faith believers do get the short end of the stick. I know i'm not happy with my life, but at the same time i'm so thankful. I apologize to all who feel uncomfortable reading what i write. I'm sure a lot of you love the random pictures/random posts(or not love)...in any case my life is not fabricated. It is short of being perfect but I try my best to get by. I want to say one thing though.
I am selfish.
I do selfish things without even noticing them. it was very Selfish of me for hating my brother, it is Selfish of me for wanting a better family life, it is Selfish of me to envy others. I only say this because i know what it is to be humble. I know what it is to feel Gods love even when i dont from the parents he has chosen for me. I want to be a stronger person and grow in spirituality. One problem though. My pride.
I am a very proud person. I like to show off my accomplishments, the people who i hang out with, the materialistic values i have, and the fact that i can overcome overbearing burdens. I need to break that down. It is not I who blessed myself with the things i am proud of. It is God who has blessed me with all things possible in my life. Just a thought. A goal. An insight of what my mind is thinking about at this very moment.
I miss Cosi smores. sigh..i guess ill just have to wait until i can make them again...Which also leads me to why i started off my blog with Dear Friend.
Have any of you watched You Got Mail? Starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks?....I love that movie. It reminds me so much of Stephen. HAHA yeah i know, laugh at that statement. It's true though. I think of him as my dearest friend that i connect mostly to through the internet/skype due to distance. It's like writing him a letter everyday. There's something about talking to someone though paper and when in person. I feel when you write, you can write something deeper and you know just that "man that was good" feeling. Like quotes, I love quotes. The clever ones. The deep ones. The ones that make so much sense in one or two sentences. I like Audrey Hepburn. Not because of her acting, but because of the things she says. It's witty, clever, and it makes so much sense. She sounds incredibly intelligent even though she may or may not be. The point is. I want to say things on paper, have people look at it and go "man that was good" and feel satisfied knowing, someone else could make sense of what i was saying.
Alrighty, well New years is almost here! WOOWOO. We'll make a list of things later on as to what i want for the new year.
Oh BTW. i changed the layout yet again. I thought that it was time to move away from the Christmas theme since it has passed. Now its the more sophisticated Jane. hehe =D
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