Faithful- Brooke Fraser

Alright so its already the 7th week of school. Almost halfway there. Time goes by quickly dont you think? I'm just scared to wake up and find myself already graduated from college, married, with kids, doing god knows what or a job, and either enoying life or hating it. Scary picture dont you think?
I have always imagined myself being in college. Naive i know. But really even though time is moving quickly, just thinking about what im going to eat at the cafe today always crosses my mind. Or that next big exam i have, am i ready for it? (The answer to that question is NO haha) What shoes am i going to wear today...is it going to rain? It's not something i should worry about or put too much thought into...but the everyday things i have the everyday thoughts that i have...its truly a blessing.
Lately at school in Lansing i havent been doing the usual things that i would have if i were in Troy. For one thing i dont think i would be as focused in school. My parents never have pressured me to do well in school. I guess thats why i want to try so hard. There is no one really counting on me or putting pressure on me to do the very best...but i want to do it anyway..just so i can make myself proud. I guess thats all that matters. But then then issue of my parents comes along.
For the past 19 years of my life (or that of what i can remember of it) i have been somewhat neglected by my parents. Yea i know i cant really complain..but here it goes...

I'm sure some of you know that i was a very spoiled child. I figure it because my parents were never around when i was growing up. The taking care of the children business was mainly taken over by my grandparents. My parents had to work a lot and they just never stuck around for anything important to me. My father has never been to one dance picture taking, one piano recital, one dance recital, and singing competition. That was mostly my mother. He's never been to a school graduation, a play opening, or parents event at church. I guess all i wanted him there in physical form. So now whenever he tries to convey any love towards me...i feel uncomfortable showing any back. Selfish i know...but its my initial reaction. As far as my mom goes. I feel as though she acts a little selfish towards me about what she wants. She never listens to what i want in my life or the things that God has put in front of my path. Its more of a laugh it off deal..where she listens, laughs, and then talks about how im going to go back to music because thats what SHE feels is best. No mother. It's not. I had to sacrifice it but i dont think she gets the point of that. So there i goes. My parents. The ones that i love..but resent. I really gotta work on that...work on my relationships..be better to them. I dont know what i would do without them...i mean REALLY gone...theyre not here now..but atleast if i call them theyll pick up the phone...

Alrighty back to studying
BAHH...i wish this week were over.